1 00:00:01,175 --> 00:00:03,046 [Instrumental Music] 2 00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:06,571 That's why you can't trust no man in no thong sandals. 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:10,140 Mm mmm. Mm mmm, watch out. 4 00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:11,489 Watch out! 5 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,796 - Lisa. Lisa - Brother, watch out! 6 00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:15,189 - Lisa! - Awww. 7 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,191 - God dang it, woman. - [Screams] 8 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:20,498 I almost broke my foot. Tell me, what the hell are you watchin'? 9 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:21,978 Probably get away with killing your husband. 10 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,720 I'm sorry! I was watchin' this show, 11 00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:27,157 and then you came up on me. You got them thong sandals on. 12 00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:29,768 It is Sunday. You know I air my feet out on Sundays. 13 00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:32,423 Well yeah, I know and I've tried to open the windows and 14 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,295 then the neighbors started rioting. 15 00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:36,079 - [Audience laughter] - Whatever. 16 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,994 Sit down, baby. I'm sorry. 17 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,735 Well what, what the hell are you watchin' anyway? 18 00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:41,737 Law and Order Crime Scene Investigations: Special 19 00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:43,347 Victims Honolulu Unit. 20 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,567 That show is still on? 21 00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:46,959 I thought them actors would be dead by now. 22 00:00:47,003 --> 00:00:48,874 Oh no, they're on season 49. 23 00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:50,224 So, what's in the box? 24 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,226 - Mm, check it out. - Okay. 25 00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:55,316 Oh baby, come on. I thought you learned your lesson from sellin' bootleg 26 00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:57,144 Lakers jersey when you ran out of room on the back 27 00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:59,189 of Kareem Abdul-Jabar's name. 28 00:00:59,233 --> 00:01:01,887 No, that's when I found out just how dumb Donnie was. 29 00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,889 He thought that the players' first names 30 00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:05,239 were supposed to go on the front of the jersey. 31 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:08,329 Like how are you gonna sell Los Angeles Laker Kareem jerseys? 32 00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:10,113 That, it don't make no sense. - What is wrong with that boy. 33 00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:12,115 These are the real deal. 34 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:15,075 - You are lookin' at the new owner of the Lake Show. - Oh. 35 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,206 - The Lake Show? - Mm hm. 36 00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,208 How you get in with the Lakers, Tony? 37 00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:21,298 You got a big new job or somethin'? You win the lotto again? 38 00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:24,475 You got a dead spouse somewhere you ain't tellin' me about. 39 00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:27,348 Okay, no more Honolulu Special Crime Scene Unit for you, okay? 40 00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:30,133 Now this, alright...is the real 41 00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:33,223 deal here, alright. I am the proud owner 42 00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,398 of the little Lake Show. 43 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:37,358 Oah, that is so cute! 44 00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:40,361 No, cute is me leavin' out kibbles n' bits and a hot comb ready for your 45 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:43,364 sisters to come over. Thisis me being the owner 46 00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,366 of a youth rec league team. 47 00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:47,585 I'm a team owner. This is a game changer. 48 00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:49,021 How so? 49 00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:51,241 Well, aside from the tax write-offs and advertisement 50 00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:54,157 on the jerseys, I could discover the next 51 00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,159 Kobe Bryant! And then on draft night 52 00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:59,597 he drops on a Zion Williamson-sized tear and thanks me personally. 53 00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:02,644 Hm. Are you sure this isn't about relivin' your 54 00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:06,256 glory days playin' ball with the Oakbridge Penguins, Tony? 55 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,736 Maybe a little bit. 56 00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:11,392 But it ain't nothin' like havin' a coach mentorin' you. 57 00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,263 Damn, I miss hangin' with Mr. Cooper. 58 00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:14,395 [Theme Music] 59 00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,179 ♪ Woke up and my wife said to me 60 00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:18,312 ♪ The bill collectors want their fees 61 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:20,836 ♪ The kids keep talkin' back to me 62 00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:22,403 ♪ Family Time 63 00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:25,841 ♪ Family Time, Family Time, Family Time 64 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,973 ♪ Woa oah oah oh yeah yeah yeh 65 00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:30,280 Mmm. 66 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,673 Oh my goodness! 67 00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,196 - All the flavors are becoming one. - Yes! 68 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,198 [Giggling] 69 00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:38,288 So what do you think, Cheryl? Can Anglo-Soul catering have your business? 70 00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:40,203 [In unison] Anglo-Soul? 71 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,118 What happened to Soul Sisters? 72 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,860 Well, I didn't want to seem like I was appropriating 73 00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,296 Black culture. 74 00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,776 It's a burden being woke. 75 00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:49,125 The struggle, right? 76 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,214 Anglo-Soul catering. 77 00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:53,260 Eh, just sounds like you're servin' hate 78 00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:54,696 on a plate, you know. 79 00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:57,655 Sides of mashed prejudice and hot water corn brutality. 80 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,004 [Audience laughter] 81 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:01,355 We're Soul Sisters, okay?! 82 00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:03,357 Don't you worry, Viv. You are just 83 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,881 8 shades and kinky curl away from being 84 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,143 Rachel Dolezal 85 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,971 - Oh. - [Doorbell rings] - Ah, I'll get the door. 86 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:10,407 [Humming] 87 00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:11,582 Ah 88 00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,368 Ah, well good afternoon you two. 89 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,544 What's so damn good about it? 90 00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:18,198 [Door creaks] 91 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:20,896 She in her feelin's cause she's scared to retake the bar exam. 92 00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:23,333 Come on, Lori. You'll pass this time. 93 00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:25,335 Yeah, this time is different. Now you're 94 00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,207 sober...ish. 95 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,773 That's definitely an improvement. 96 00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:30,340 [Audience laughter] 97 00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:35,345 [Garbled speech] That's right...every single time the traditional way, 98 00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:38,130 and every single time I fail. 99 00:03:38,174 --> 00:03:41,177 I knew I should've paid that guy to take the test for me. 100 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,224 I'm just not the bookworm type. 101 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,226 I learn by doing. 102 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:48,228 Yeah, learnin' by doin' is how she became the fastest 103 00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:49,272 girl in school. 104 00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:50,708 And I ain't talkin' about track. 105 00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:51,492 She ain't run track. 106 00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,494 - Oh I know you ain't talkin' 107 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:57,019 when you only joined the swim team to practice the breast stroke 108 00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:59,021 and I ain't talkin' bout swimmin'! 109 00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:00,588 Michael Feel-ups. 110 00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:02,242 - Oh. - Ooh. 111 00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:03,852 Well that sounds like I was just smart, okay. Cause that was a 112 00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,854 way I'd get around all those girls in those skimpy outfits 113 00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,334 and they had no idea I was... - Tell me more about it. 114 00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,074 lookin' at 'em. 115 00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:10,728 - They was so sexy. - Why don't you hold a mock trial here? 116 00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:12,948 Huh? What do you mean? How do I do that? 117 00:04:12,991 --> 00:04:15,429 - Oh, how about a real estate broker 118 00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:18,432 selling homes, violating safety codes? 119 00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:22,523 What, what? Eh it it's hard to tell a pool from a sink hole at night. 120 00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:23,306 [Audience laughter] 121 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,308 Yeah, you know what? That's perfect. 122 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,310 We'll use Viv's idea for the trial 123 00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:30,879 - Oh wait, I'll be the prosecutor. - Oh. 124 00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:32,272 I dated one once. 125 00:04:32,315 --> 00:04:33,403 I picked up a thing or two. 126 00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:36,276 Ooh, and I can be a sexy bailiff. 127 00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:38,278 And how's that supposed to help? 128 00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:40,889 Okay, listen. Come on, Lori. I know you failed 129 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:45,328 1, 2, 3, 9 times! But who's counting, really? I'm not. 130 00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:47,417 [Inhales] Listen, this is the rematch. 131 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,811 And you will win, you hear me? 132 00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:52,074 Okay, little sis. 133 00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,642 Listenin' to you, I feel like I can take on the 134 00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:56,121 whole damn world. 135 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:58,123 - You can. - Or at least this whole bottle of wine ... 136 00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,603 - Okay...come on, girl... - ...right now. 137 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:02,650 You are only 30 days away from gettin' the 30-day chip, stop. 138 00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,086 [Audience laughter] 139 00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:05,914 [Instrumental Music] 140 00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:08,090 How we feelin' today? We ready to win a game? 141 00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:09,700 - Good job. Hey, hey! - How's it goin'? 142 00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:11,572 - Good. - Ah Anthony Stallworth, 143 00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:14,052 Little Baller League scoring champion, '95, '96. 144 00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:15,706 - Wow. -Yeah, 10 points a game. I know. I know. 145 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,360 Nice to meet you. 146 00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,927 Ah listen, I'm looking for the coach of the Little Lake Show 147 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,581 - ...a coach Hoight. - That's me. That's me. 148 00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:22,583 It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stallworth. 149 00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:23,932 You must be the mascot. 150 00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,587 The the peacock outfit is in the closet. It's behind 151 00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:29,546 the other suit. And there's a headdress that goes with it, 152 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:30,808 and there's some really nice green shoes. 153 00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,288 You're the left, right? 154 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,290 Amusing, amusing. No, I am the team owner. 155 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,900 - Team owner? Wow, wow. - Yeah. 156 00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,728 - Team owner. [Chuckles] - Mm hm. 157 00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:40,644 Well, can you give me a few minutes? I need to give the kids a little pep talk. 158 00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,385 Sure, get 'em fired up. Ready to win, coach. 159 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:43,560 - Okay. Alright... - Let's do it. 160 00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,562 you might look good in the peacock outfit too. 161 00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:47,259 - Knock it off. - Yes, sir. Okay, sorry. 162 00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:49,740 Alright, guys. Here we go. Remember...everybody, 163 00:05:49,784 --> 00:05:51,699 we're here for fun, alright. 164 00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:54,397 If we happen to win a game, hey! 165 00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,530 So much the better, okay. 166 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:59,837 So, let's have a great time 167 00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:03,188 and remember, come together...okay? 168 00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:07,062 Let's go out and let's build our self-esteem. 169 00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:09,978 Let's say self-esteem on 3, ready? 1, 2, 3 170 00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,545 [Collectively] Self-esteem! 171 00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:13,547 Pat yourself on the back cause if you don't 172 00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,462 pat yourself on the back in this life, 173 00:06:15,505 --> 00:06:17,464 nobody's going to. 174 00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:19,466 Come on, come on. 175 00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,468 Hey hey, ponytail! 176 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,165 Put your hands up! 177 00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:26,211 Kawhi Leonard's laugh played better D! 178 00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:27,909 Nice, Kaleb. Nice, Kaleb. 179 00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,694 Those orthopedic shoes are really keeping you upright! 180 00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:32,566 It's Kaleb? Kaleb, Kaleb! 181 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,394 Damn that, slide your feet! 182 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,657 Man, stop gallopin'. This ain't no rodeo. 183 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,006 Good hustle, Ryan. 184 00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:40,835 Your balance has improved tremendously. 185 00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:43,359 [Moans] 186 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,013 What kinda shootin' are you doin'? 187 00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:47,537 I've seen bartenders put up better shots than that! 188 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:52,107 Don't worry, Mishak! I want you to consider an air-ball 189 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:54,936 like a made basket, just a little bit off. 190 00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,938 Tseh! Coach, coach... 191 00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:59,375 don't you think you should actually be coaching? 192 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,377 You know I'm I'm all for a little positive 193 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,901 affirmation when they actually do somethin' positive. 194 00:07:03,945 --> 00:07:06,164 I believe that if you give a kid negative energy, 195 00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:09,211 you're gonna get negative game play. 196 00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:11,648 3 minutes into the game and we're down 20. 197 00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:13,258 It doesn't get any more negative than that. 198 00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:14,695 [Audience laughter] 199 00:07:14,738 --> 00:07:17,262 Okay, a I think I understand what you're sayin'. 200 00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:19,134 Time out! Time out! 201 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:21,136 Hope on the bench. Come on, everybody. 202 00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:22,616 Listen, 203 00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:25,575 great job out there. 204 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,577 Okay, you are playing with 205 00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,231 such... 206 00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:32,930 bravery, such courage, such power that 207 00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:35,498 you have scored a point in my heart. 208 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,805 [Beating chest] You have scored a point in my heart. 209 00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:39,937 Really, really, okay? 210 00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:43,637 So I want you to forget, pretend the score isn't 211 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,378 zero to 20. It's zero, zero. 212 00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,468 And we're startin' over again, baby. 213 00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:51,862 Okay? So go out there and take it to 'em! 214 00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,516 Go get 'em! 215 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,084 [Exhales] 216 00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:57,738 Coach, d'oh real quick.. 217 00:07:57,781 --> 00:07:58,739 - Yeah. - Another, hey... 218 00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:00,392 Um, I need you to do me a favor. 219 00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,003 - Huh. - Could you go outside and find you a 220 00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:04,701 gravel pit, and kick rocks! 221 00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:07,182 Fuh...oh, what do you mean? 222 00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:10,098 I am not sponsorin' a team full of losers. You're fired! 223 00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,882 Well, weh weh weh, you can't fire me. 224 00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:13,884 Uh, I'm a volunteer! 225 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,886 I'll give you $100 to kick rocks. 226 00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:18,585 Wow, $100? 227 00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:20,587 Wow. 228 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,589 I guess I'm goin' to the casino. 229 00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:24,155 [Audience laughter] 230 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:28,072 [Instrumental Music] 231 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:32,250 All rise for the honorable Slim-thick judge, 232 00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:33,643 Lisa Stallworth. 233 00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,645 Doom doom, chicka chicka. Doom doom, chicka chicka. 234 00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,342 - Duh, doom, doom. - Ow, okay. 235 00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:39,693 Doo doo, chicka chicka. Doo doo, chicka chicka. Doo doo, 236 00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,346 [Audience laughter] 237 00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,652 [Banging gavel] - Oh, now hook it up. 238 00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:46,830 [Rhythm banging] - Uh!...uh oh, ooh! 239 00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:49,703 Hey, hey. 240 00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,575 Alright, court is now in session! 241 00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:53,576 Okay, we just be playin'. 242 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,143 It is in session. 243 00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:57,580 - [Exhales] - This is the case of... 244 00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:58,581 Slumlord Sally 245 00:08:58,625 --> 00:08:59,930 [Audience laughter] 246 00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:02,759 Okay prosecutor, please present your opening statements. 247 00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:04,500 Thank you, your honor. 248 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,242 I'm a person of the people. 249 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,766 And so I can tell you that the people 250 00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,768 don't like to be hustled. 251 00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,597 The defendant is a swamp dealer 252 00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:18,732 and a slumlord who knowingly sold my client a mud hole. 253 00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,298 resulting in her being admitted to 254 00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:24,607 the ICU due to the effects of hazardous living conditions. 255 00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:25,739 - Damn heifer, you cold. 256 00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,479 [Audience laughter] 257 00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:31,614 Asbestos in the attic...lead pipes and lead paint! 258 00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,921 They poisoned my client sending her into 259 00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:36,793 crippling medical debt. 260 00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:38,578 The prosecution rests. 261 00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:40,492 Oh, Cheryl is good. 262 00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:41,972 - Here I thought she was like this ditsy, Oriental-- - Okay, wait! 263 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:43,974 Okay Rachel, nobody asked for the play by play. 264 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,150 They really didn't okay. Just zip it. 265 00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:50,590 Thank you. Concerning Calloway, please present your opening statements. 266 00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,809 Tell them I showed compassion. I gave her a gas mask. 267 00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,419 Shhh. 268 00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:58,728 Your honor, it's clear that my client is innocent. 269 00:09:58,772 --> 00:10:01,252 - [Scoffs] - She's a pillar of the community. 270 00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:04,560 - And a damn good cook. - Mm hm. 271 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:08,869 Not to mention, her real estate record speaks 272 00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,740 for itself. Exhibit one, please. 273 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,699 - Ooh, exhibit two. 274 00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:15,527 Her wrap sheet, also speaks for itself. 275 00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:18,226 Damn, her wrap sheet is longer than Crenshaw Boulevard. 276 00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:19,444 [Audience laughter] 277 00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:22,360 And Cheryl is killing it. 278 00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:23,623 Yes, girl...yes. 279 00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:26,190 Your honor, could you please control your bailiff, 280 00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:28,584 Miss Disgrace Jones, over here. 281 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,542 I had enough out of you, Oblivious Pope. 282 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:31,805 - You know what? - We can go! 283 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,676 - I wanna be classy, here. - What's up? 284 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,765 - You always wanna put your part into somebody. - Order in the court! 285 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,811 - Oh, impossible. - Order in the court!!! 286 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:42,424 I do not wanna have to hold you two in contempt of the court. 287 00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:46,297 [In unison] Sorry your honor, Slim-thick. 288 00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:49,910 Please, proceed. 289 00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:52,826 Your honor, my client is protected 290 00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:55,655 under penal code YZ400, 291 00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:56,699 Fo-hundred! 292 00:10:56,743 --> 00:11:00,703 which protects her because she was open and honest 293 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,227 about the condition and history of the property. 294 00:11:03,271 --> 00:11:07,579 I mean the plaintiff had numerous opportunities to 295 00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:11,148 conduct her own investigation of the lot and failed to do so. 296 00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:14,021 - Weh a well, I [clears throat] actually. - Not!... 297 00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:17,938 to mention, she is also exonerated 298 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,374 under the zoning code, 299 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:22,246 which stipulates that the plaintiff signed a waiver 300 00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:24,988 releasing my client of any and all legal 301 00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:26,250 responsibility 302 00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:29,645 that resulted after her residency there. 303 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:33,301 Oh, okay. Will the prosecution like to respond? 304 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:34,824 I would, yes. 305 00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,870 Ummm... 306 00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:39,307 just have something here, just.. 307 00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:40,438 one second. 308 00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,179 Hey, where were you when I was actually on trial? 309 00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,529 [Screams] I'm jammin', y'all! 310 00:11:44,573 --> 00:11:45,879 Aaah! 311 00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,663 [Instrumental Music] 312 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,099 Two draft picks? Deal. 313 00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:50,710 Yep, tell those parents 314 00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:53,669 to pack up and dress warm because it gets cold in Lancaster. 315 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,671 Alright, see ya later. 316 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,281 Hey Tone, a 317 00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,283 you hostin' refugees at work? 318 00:11:59,327 --> 00:12:02,112 Oh no, that's my new star player, Saleem. 319 00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:05,028 Did he eat the other refugees on his way up here? 320 00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:05,855 [Audience laughter] 321 00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:07,552 Nah, he's just a big kid. 322 00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:09,729 You mean big-ass adult, man. He 27. 323 00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:10,773 [Audience laughter] 324 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:11,948 Ain't that right, man? 325 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:14,995 12 [Chuckles] Pass the ball. 326 00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:16,997 Open [Laughs] 327 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,520 Excuse me? 328 00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:21,001 I am open. 329 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,350 Pass. 330 00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,395 [Audience laughter] 331 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,007 A I think Saleem is broken, man. 332 00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:29,792 What is he doin' here anyway? I thought you was just a team sponsor. 333 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,794 I am more than a sponsor, Donnie. 334 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,927 I am the heart and soul of this organization. 335 00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:36,799 [Laughs] Don't you think you're lettin' this go to your head a little bit, man? 336 00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:39,802 I saw the kids outside runnin' laps with cinder blocks. 337 00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,848 Since when are you the child labor law investigator? 338 00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:43,501 [Audience laughter] 339 00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:45,547 You are absolutely right. What did you call me down here for? 340 00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:48,985 I called you over here to offer you the opportunity of a lifetime. 341 00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:52,467 How would you like to be the assistant coach of the Little Lake Show? 342 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:55,383 Ah, how would the head coach feel about me bein' the assistant coach? 343 00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:57,951 I feel just fine. That's why I offered you the job. 344 00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:00,736 But I thought you were the team sponsor, not the head coach. 345 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,085 Ah...team owner. 346 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:04,305 And as the owner, I had to fire the coach 347 00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:07,047 because he wasn't takin' the team in the right direction. 348 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,744 So, you in? 349 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:10,746 I accept. 350 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,226 Good, have a seat. 351 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:15,969 [Feet shuffling] 352 00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,187 Mr. Stallworth, sir. 353 00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:19,842 Daniel Freely, right? 354 00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:22,410 Averaging 6 points. Hm, what you want? 355 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:24,978 [Audience laughter] We've been running laps for hours. 356 00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,631 Can't we please take a water break? 357 00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:29,547 Water break? They don't even have water where he's from. 358 00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,549 Listen, your body is made up of 359 00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,551 70% water. 360 00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:36,380 Use up all of that, and then maybe I'll let you drink out of the water hose. 361 00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:38,121 Now scram! 362 00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:40,036 Damn, Tone. 363 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,864 Yeah, can you believe that? Averaging 6 points and having the nerve 364 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,083 to ask for a water break. 365 00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:44,954 Nah, I just meant he looks like he grows up to be him. 366 00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:47,522 But I just meant you're kinda bein' harsh, ain't ya? 367 00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:50,220 Listen, the last coach was too soft. 368 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:53,484 I gotta rewire this team. Ain't that right, Saleem? 369 00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,530 Pass ball. 370 00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,010 Open. 371 00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:00,013 [Instrumental Music] 372 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:03,581 Your honor, we have examined, 373 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:06,019 and cross-examined, 374 00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:10,414 and there is no doubt that my client is innocent. 375 00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:12,416 And these allegations 376 00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:15,071 deserve to be buried 377 00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:17,378 alongside the prosecutor 378 00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:19,946 and her trashy blouse. 379 00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:23,123 - Oh. - Oh. 380 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,385 Wow. 381 00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:26,996 Wow Lori. I mean a Miss-- Miss Calloway, 382 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,998 that was a very compelling closing statement. 383 00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:31,479 Now if the prosecution has nothing 384 00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:33,873 - ...further to add, this case-- - Oh! Wait. 385 00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:36,614 I do have a surprise witness. 386 00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:38,138 [Collective gasp] 387 00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:40,488 Surprise witness? Girl, who'd you invite over to my house? 388 00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,446 - Oh, um...your honor, 389 00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:44,405 may I have a quick sidebar with my attorney? 390 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,407 - Mm hm. - Granted. 391 00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:47,930 Who is this? What's goin' on? 392 00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:51,368 Well, remember when I went to prison for that whole insider trading thing? 393 00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:53,283 Well that man worked for the company that I was 394 00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:54,850 trading against. 395 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,678 - Oh my gosh, why didn't you tell me he was coming, Vivian? - I... 396 00:14:56,721 --> 00:14:57,940 didn't know. 397 00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,247 This is John. 398 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:04,599 His very intriguing story shines light on what kind of a woman 399 00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,166 Vivian really is. 400 00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:08,037 Well yeah, I'll be the judge of that. 401 00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:09,256 Okay. 402 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,519 Please stand and state your name. 403 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:14,696 Ah Spritz, John Spritz. 404 00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:17,090 Put your hand on the Get magazine. 405 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,875 Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothin' but the truth 406 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,660 so swear on the Get beauty of the week? 407 00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:24,010 I do. 408 00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,707 Soo woop! 409 00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,839 - Please proceed Miss-- - I object! 410 00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:31,408 Your honor, it's obvious this man was paid to be here. 411 00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,367 - I was not. - Can I pay you to leave? 412 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,108 Objection overruled. 413 00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:37,110 [Cheryl] Tell your story. 414 00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:39,503 Vivian sold me a house. 415 00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:42,767 And while she was working for me, she eavesdropped 416 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:45,118 on a conversation between my boss and I. 417 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,990 And after she got the information she needed, 418 00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:51,124 she illegally traded my company's stock. 419 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,691 My boss fired me for being a mole. 420 00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:57,130 I lost my house. I lost my wife. 421 00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:58,522 My libido. 422 00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,133 - Oh. - Mmm. 423 00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:03,179 - [Rachel] Mmm. - There, there, you 424 00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,312 poor man, very brave. 425 00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:08,793 Miss Calloway, will the defense like to respond? 426 00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,143 I double object! 427 00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:12,145 Your honor, eh 428 00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,799 the prosecutor never supplied me with the 429 00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,149 character witness list. 430 00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:19,369 You know what? Not being prepared is not an excuse, your honor. 431 00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,589 - She's unprepared. - Well he's a surprise! 432 00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:23,983 How am I supposed to prepare for a surprise? 433 00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:25,985 - Lori-- - He wasn't in the textbook! 434 00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:28,074 Lori I'm sorry, I have to side 435 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:31,381 - with Cheryl on this one. I'm sorry. - But it's not fair! 436 00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,035 The judgment goes to the plaintiff. 437 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,298 [Screams] I won. I won! 438 00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:36,734 Yeah! 439 00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,388 - [Rachel] Ooh damn, sorry Viv. 440 00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,260 I hope you didn't throw your shank away. 441 00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:41,783 Ooh, I ain't goin' back! 442 00:16:41,826 --> 00:16:43,393 Bye. 443 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,395 Uah! Yes! 444 00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:47,093 - I mean, that was good. - I'm done. 445 00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,746 Lori, sorry. 446 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,748 [Instrumental Music] 447 00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:55,318 Alright, alright, alright. That's it, that's it, that's it. Huddle up, huddle up. 448 00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:57,233 Huddle up. A couple a words before we get started. 449 00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:59,844 First of all, why are you wearing the wrong jerseys? 450 00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,195 We don't want you to be our sponsor anymore. 451 00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,196 You're crazy. 452 00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:06,286 [Chuckles] Child, a this is 453 00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,417 myteam, okay. 454 00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,985 I own y'all. Y'all can't fire me. 455 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,989 David's dad has more money, and he's sponsoring the team now. 456 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,991 Okay, okay, alright. 457 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,515 Alright. You're gonna do this to me, huh? 458 00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:20,213 Huh, to me?! 459 00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:23,172 I will have y'all playin' basketball 460 00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:25,522 - ...in Pelican Bay when I'm finished! - I love Pelicans. 461 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:26,654 You love what? 462 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,222 [Laughs] No shoe program for you! 463 00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:31,006 No shoe program for you! 464 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,399 You like shoes? None for you! 465 00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,270 - No shoe program for you! -Hey hey, Tone, Tone! 466 00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:35,445 - What do you want?! - Hey man... 467 00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:39,058 I know kids are fickle, but so is the sports business, man. 468 00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:41,843 Heh, look you lettin' this owner business go to your head. 469 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,628 Look man, this is a kids league, dude. 470 00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:45,977 You right. 471 00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:48,197 Kids I'm...I'm sorry. 472 00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:50,199 Okay, I guess I got a little carried away. 473 00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:53,246 I always wanted to be a team owner. I guess it kind of went to my head. 474 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,465 I took the fun out of that so 475 00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:57,511 for that, I apologize. 476 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,645 We accept your apology. 477 00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:04,779 But you're still fired. We have a game to play. 478 00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,346 Fair enough. 479 00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:07,651 [Instrumental Music] 480 00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:09,653 Oh thank God. Lisa, you're home. 481 00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,220 I need a huge favor. 482 00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:13,222 Okay Lori, no. I don't care how fine he is. 483 00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,572 I am not loaning you my Spanx again. 484 00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:18,358 - Last time I loaned you two and you wore two.. -No. 485 00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,576 and you damn near passed out. 486 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:21,143 - I'm no. - You know what? 487 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,798 This has nothing to do with your Spanx. It's not that. 488 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,800 This can't wait. 489 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:27,802 The bar results are in, 490 00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:31,284 and I'm just, I'm just afraid I failed 491 00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:35,288 again. And I just can't bare to read them! 492 00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:38,856 Oh my goodness. You are so dramatic. 493 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,858 Why do you think you failed? 494 00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:43,731 I mean after loosing to Cheryl. 495 00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:45,733 And she's not even a paralegal. 496 00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:50,085 I just get so nervous, and everything just flies out of my head. 497 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,087 There's no way I passed. 498 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,916 Okay, listen. You did great in the mock trial. You referenced 499 00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:57,179 violations and codes. 500 00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,486 You would make a great attorney, okay. 501 00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:01,705 Anybody is gonna be lucky to have you. 502 00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:04,099 [Sighs] You're right. 503 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,494 Someday I will make a great attorney. 504 00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:09,365 Damn, right! Now let's 505 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:12,368 - ...look at these re-- - I don't know if it's today. 506 00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:14,327 - What? Okay. Now you know what? Go ahead. - Just don't. I don't think so. 507 00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,329 - Here, let me, let me look. - No, I just don't think. I don't-- 508 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:18,287 - Just let me look. - You sure? Okay, fine. Well no maybe not. 509 00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:20,420 - If you don't give me this phone. - Ah, okay, okay. Fine, take it. 510 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:21,421 - Give me the phone. - Ah, no no. 511 00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:24,293 - Thank you. Oh my gosh. - Aah! 512 00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:25,555 Sheh! [Lori cringes] 513 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,515 Oh you scored 514 00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:33,128 290 out of the minimum requirement of 288. 515 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,390 [Sighs] 516 00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:35,565 You passed! 517 00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:38,655 [Screams] You passed. Congratulations! 518 00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:39,700 I passed? 519 00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,267 Lori, you passed. 520 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:42,964 Uah! 521 00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:44,966 I'd like to thank God 522 00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:46,576 [Laughter] 523 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:50,014 and the bar association and all the little people 524 00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:52,234 like my dear, young Lisa 525 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,367 who believed in me 526 00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,586 even when I didn't believe in myself. 527 00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,458 Now go get them Spanx. 528 00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:02,026 This litigator has to go find a new client to cross-examine 529 00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:05,813 until he throws himself at the mercy of the court. 530 00:20:05,856 --> 00:20:07,597 [Squeals] 531 00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,643 Ah ha ha, baby. 532 00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:15,214 What?! 533 00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:18,913 Come on, come on, come on. 534 00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:21,220 [Saleem] I am open. [Claps] Pass. 535 00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:23,483 - [Saleem laughs] - And there went my tier. 536 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,485 Hey what's up, Tone? 537 00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:27,226 Hey, Donnie. Wait a minute. 538 00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:29,271 Doesn't the Little Lake Show have a game today? 539 00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,273 They do, but they fired me. 540 00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:32,709 Really, why? 541 00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:34,972 Well aside from me not knowin' a damn thing about basketball 542 00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,497 plays, and we lost our lost game 88 to 8. 543 00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:38,585 Yeah, besides that. 544 00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:40,587 [Sighs] Well... 545 00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:44,068 they fired me cause I gave the kid who sucked the most playin' time. 546 00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,288 What's wrong with that? You're just tryin' to develop the kid's skills 547 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,333 so he becomes a better player. 548 00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:49,030 Damn the skills. 549 00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:51,511 His mom is recently divorced and I was tryin' to catch a rebound. 550 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,774 [Laughter] 551 00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:56,255 [Instrumental Music]